Debbie

To whoever actually reads this thing... I'm sorry that's it has been a while. It's really hard to find words to put on paper (metaphorically speaking of course) sometimes. I'm not sure if it's because school has picked up and I actually find myself busy now, or if it's simply because I already find my day to day experiences to be monotonous and don't find much value in telling you about how I went to class, ate some Italian food, and went to sleep...just like I did yesterday.


But, I still want to try to keep everyone updated because I know it's important to write things down. And whenever I make myself write things down, I usually find that there was actually something interesting that I did in the past week. So, here goes!


The past week has had it's fair share of ups and downs. The past weekend in particular, was a very hard weekend for me. On the trivial and lighter side of things, I took my first "Helen" field trip to Ravenna. I had no energy in me once I got back around 8PM and felt completely burnt out: physically, emotionally and mentally. The next morning I woke up and found out some bad news. A dear, dear friend of mine had passed away. Debbie Parrell was one of the best ladies I've ever met. I originally met her through the church I attend at school, The Summit. She was leading a college journey group, which is basically a youth group/Bible study. We didn't really become close until the fall semester of my sophomore year, which was about 6-9 months after we met. I was able to learn an incredible amount from Debbie about what it means to fully rely on God and to live in His presence. I wish that I had had more time with her but I know she would tell me that God has a purpose for what I see as a short amount of time. Since I actually started living out the Christian life, I haven't known anyone who has passed away. But death was a vital part of my testimony and how I became who I am today. Originally, the death of my grandfather is what led me away from God and made me want nothing to do with Him. Eventually, I came back to Him but I've been blessed to not have many experiences with death. I've experienced a few people dying since then but it wasn't anyone who I would consider myself close to, mostly distant relatives or people at school who I never had the chance to know.


Debbie, however, was definitely someone I was close to. She was a mentor, friend, and a second mother who took care of me and my friends in North Carolina. I spent many hours (though not enough) just sitting and talking with her and allowing her to pour into me. We mostly talked about getting married and how to have a successful marriage but we also just talked about life and how sometimes it's hard but we never have to go it alone. Debbie was an incredible woman of God and if I'm ever half the woman she was, I'll consider it a success. She has a beautiful family and lived a beautiful life. She is missed by probably hundreds of people and I wish that everyone could have had more time than they did with her. But like I said, I know there's a purpose for it. Sometimes things happen in life that can make or break us, spiritually. God uses His perfect timing to make sure that we aren't given more than we can handle and that we are given just enough trial to make sure we cling to Him.


One thing I know for sure is that if I didn't rely on His strength as much as I do, I wouldn't make it. I'm not saying I've had an impossibly hard life, I have had a very blessed life with comparatively little struggle, but I am very, very human. And in fact, I am a very weak human. Half the time I don't even have faith that I'll be able to get out of bed in the morning. Inside, I have very little confidence about my ability to lead a successful life, but I know that God is working in me and through me and because of that, I will be able to do something great with my life. I don't know what yet, of course I have my own ideas of what I want to do, but I know He is preparing me for something great. I know I will look back on January 14th, 2012 as a pivotal part of my walk with Christ, just like I look back on March 7th, 2005 as a pivotal step in my walk as well. All I know is that in this life there is a purpose for the pain that we experience as humans. We are so fragile, so vulnerable, and I believe with 100% certainty that we can't make it through life without someone bigger carrying us through life. 


"Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong, He'll never let you go
Oh you're not alone.

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms."


Debbie, I know you will be in my heart for the rest of my days. You were the strongest woman I have ever had the chance of knowing. Like I've said before, I will never stop missing you or wishing we had more time together. But the short amount of time that we had together will stick with me forever. I can't wait to see you again someday and I know that heaven is a better place with you there now. I love you more than words can explain and I'm so grateful for everything you've given to me. I know even though you are far away from us now, you are still praying for all of your High Point girls and that means so much to us all. Thank you for everything. I'll see you soon.