I can honestly say that the last month has been a blur. Well, if I'm really being honest, it's actually been the entire semester. Going into this semester, I knew it would be strange. For starters, this was my last semester as a normal college student. I will never again live in a college dorm, have a meal plan, or be able to wake up five minutes before class starts and still manage to be on time. It will never again be as convenient to walk through the kitchen of the apartment to hang out with my roommates. While this is a strange feeling, I can't say that it isn't a good trade. I couldn't be more excited to get married and move in with my best friend. Not to mention ending almost two years of a long distance relationship and trading it for an in-person marriage, it isn't a bad trade at all. To add to the strange factor, somehow I ended up going home almost every other weekend during the semester. Because I was going back and forth so often, I never really felt like I was able to settle into either place. As soon as I had unpacked, it was basically time to pack again for the next trip. The third piece of the puzzle that made the last four months very strange, is that I never really seemed to have free time. I am the type of person who is busy all the time, this isn't a new thing for me, but this semester was insanely busy between work, homework, classes, and traveling. This, once again, didn't allow me to fully settle into my apartment or my life at school.
While all of this made the semester seem unsettling, the strangest thing I have been facing is avoiding talking or thinking about studying abroad. Going into the semester, I knew I would be going to Italy for the spring semester. There wasn't any doubt about that. It was going to happen, one way or the other. My roommates, friends, and family all knew that as well. But regardless of how excited I am or was about the trip, it is never easy leaving everything and everyone you love behind. Many people know of my frustrations about HPU or just college in general, but at the end of the day, I love where God has put me and I couldn't dream of a better college experience. So even though I have an amazing adventure waiting for me in Florence, it isn't easy leaving everything behind. As much as I would love to believe that nothing will change and that I'll stay as close to everyone as I am while I'm at HPU, I know this is a naive thought. I've watched two of my best friends and my fiancé leave the country for four months and I've seen the toll it takes on relationships. It isn't easy to keep contact with people through the many hour time difference and while dealing with the very busy schedule that every college student has. Relationships change when you go abroad, whether that is for better or for worse is up to the people involved.
Ever since Steven and I started dating, I've had to deal with this day-to-day phenomenon. The phenomenon is that one day you can be completely content with the situation (in that case, the distance between us) and the next it can be the thing that keeps you up late at night. So I am very familiar with the feeling of taking it day to day just to make it through the week and sometimes the month. But as the amount of days until I leave for Italy become fewer, this phenomenon seems to be all I know. It's absolutely amazing how one day I can be high on life at the idea of studying abroad for a semester, and the next day my heart can be breaking at the thought of leaving everyone behind. I've learned to take it in strides and just ride the bad days out until a good day comes along.
Today, I can't wait for the adventures to begin. I'm nervous to start packing and that my visa won't come in intime but today, I'm mostly just excited. When tomorrow gets here, I'll deal with whatever emotions are thrown my way. It's a very strange position to be in, but I have no choice but to just keep pushing forward.
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